Have you ever felt like your prayer supply has run dry?
I haven't posted here for a long time, but since the last post we adopted the most wonderful little girl. She is the sweetest thing in the whole world, and right now she's in the hospital. She has hemophagacytic lymphohistiocytosis. It's an extremely rare genetic disorder where her body attacks all parts of her blood - platelets, serum, white blood cells, red blood cells, everything. Survival with treatment is 50%. She started chemotherapy yesterday. She will need a bone marrow transplant.
Normally I am a person full of prayers. I really do belive in the power of prayer. We have probably a hundred people praying for Little E, and I can feel that support. But from me? I feel like all I can do is look up to heaven and say, "God, please." There just isn't strength for more. It's just "Please." In quiet moments I'm able to add "You know what I need. You know the prayer that needs to be said. I don't. Just read my heart right now." I have tried several times to more formally pray - to pray the way I would expect to pray. But I have almost no time to myself - we're constantly waiting for another doctor and/or another test result. I'm so tired. Have you ever had your prayer well run dry? Maybe this is part of why we have so many people praying for us, because you hit a point where you can't make it come any more.
1 comments:
Hi, I am the one who post on mormom mommys, with the NHL diagnosis. I have a friend who adopted a child, who ended up having a brain tumor, and I have another friend who goes to Primary Children's with her son with Leukemia. I think one of the best things you can do is talk to other moms who have dealt with this. Honestly, one of the worst things I dealt with was that no one, who hadn't been through it, really understood.
http://www.lillianharris.blogspot.com/ is for the brain cancer.
http://whatmattersmost7.blogspot.com/ is for the mom I know of at Primary.
Do talk to people. Don't be surprised if people pull away from you. It seems to happen. It did with my own parents.
lls.org is for families with blood cancers. You can get on the discussion boards there.
Email me if you need to chat. livsmadmom@msn.com
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