Home

We're back home from the hospital. I have mixed feelings about this. I LOVE sleeping in my own bed. And it's nice to have space to stretch out. Public bathrooms are nowhere near my "favorite things" list. So being home is really nice. But it comes with a lot of responsibility. One cold could kill Little E. She has absolutely no immune system right now. We must be manic about germ control. I must change the picc line dressing which means opening her up where she is exposed all the way to her heart. And medications ... she has tons of oral medications. Getting the right med at the right amount at the right time is a full-time job. Okay, not full-time, but we spend probably over 2 hours a day on medications and 30 - 45 minutes a day on the PICC line. Not to mention the toxic diapers - we have to wear gloves and protective stuff while changing her diapers for 48 hours after chemo. I don't want that. I don't want all the pressure and the severe consequences if I do any of it wrong. I know I'll settle into a sort of routine at some point, but right now it's really stressful. I don't mean to use this blog to complain. But I need a venue right now to express my worries, stresses, and pains. I'll also record joys. But this blog will look into the heart of a momma of a sick kid. That's not always going to be a happy place. But I'll make sure to record those shining moments of joy as well. I need to focus on those too.