Up

Have you seen the new Pixar film, "Up"? Dh and I went to see it this afternoon. My parents watched Evelyn while we went out. It was nice to go somewhere together.

I really wanted to see Up because I had heard the story and I knew its themes closely mirrored what I'm feeling right now. It made the movie strike very close to home, but I needed the time to really feel what I'm going through and the vicarious experience of the movie would do that. While Up is an uplifting show, it is not a happy one. It's the story of an old man whose wife had died. He flies his house to South America and at one point has to decide between his house - and all the memories it contains - and striking out in a new life and forging new memories.

You may know we are needing to sell our home and buy a new one. The doctors don't want us to bring LittleE home to a condo. The risk of infection is too great. I cannot tell you how my heart breaks at the deep, dark fear that maybe the very worst could happen. If it did, our home is where we have all of our memories with LittleE. We would lose that. But, as Dh has said, a new home will give her the best chance of success and not getting an infection after she comes home. Do we look back at the home with memories or look forward to new ones? In the show, his wife had died, so no new memories with her could be formed. But a new home is the best chance for LittleE going forward.

We have been approved for a loan to buy the home we're looking at even if we don't sell our condo. But it would be expensive to carry both mortgages and with the cost of the transplant on top of that ... well, that gets pricey and unsustainable. But we may have to do it if we don't sell. I admit to secretly hoping that a friend or family or friend of friend/family would buy our home because then, if, God forbid, the worst happened, we could have an understanding that we would buy the condo back from them. That's a harder deal to make with perfect strangers.

I try not to write about sad things here, but perhaps people need to know that we are human. Mostly I keep everything together and walk forth in faith. I really do believe that God wants her to pull through this just fine. But the fears sit in the back of my mind and I knew that seeing "Up" would help. I was right. Go see the show, it's wonderful. But bring a tissue if you're dealing with similar issues. (See it in 3D if you can. We didn't and regret it now.)